Bamberg Onions - Paradise for Carnivores (and Vegetarians?)

A new study says we're happiest when anticipating a vacation trip.  The actual voyage?  So-so.  Getting, it seems, kills wanting.  We humans are a weird bunch.

Sometimes I wonder if this strange phenomenon also applies to journeys of the mouth.

For example, my boss recently told me about Schlenkerla, a beer that tastes like bacon, and the pleasure sensors of my brain got treated to fireworks worthy of July 4.  Overwhelmed by anticipation, I fled work early to go try some.

The experience of actually quaffing it?  Really good.  But not as good as what I'd dreamed up.

Now, imagine my anticipation when I heard about the Bamberg onion.  The Bavarian town of Bamberg is best known for brewing Schlenkerla, but its stuffed onions are famous, too. 

And how could an onion possibly be good enough to share the spotlight with bacon brew?  Well, they hollow out the flower and scale leaves and fill the insides with pork loin, smoked pork, eggs, bread rolls, mace and parsley.  The whole thing is then covered with bacon and capped with the onion top.  Finally, they cook the onion in Schlenkerla and pour on a gravy that's also Schlenkerla-based.

Just want to make sure you caught that: they cook smoked pork, eggs, and bacon in a beer that already tastes like bacon, and then splash on a gravy that also tastes like bacon. 

Now, if the thought of that doesn't make you happy, you might be clinically depressed.  Or the guy from the Mentos commercials.  Or a vegetarian. 

Enter my girlfriend, Marcy.

She'll occasionally try some of my sweetbreads or pork belly, but she always limits her carnivoring to a shred or two placed ever-so-gingerly at the edge of her beet salad.  Good thing opposites attract.

When Marcy cooked for me last night, suffice to say, I was not expecting this:

Marcy has cooked meat about as many times as I've whipped up tofu stir fry, but these onions seemed to showcase the finesse of a meat maestro.  I think they could have passed for the kitchenwork of a Bamberg oma feeding her ravenous kinda.  The bacon taste, it should go without saying, was intense, but what made the dish really stand out was how much the bitter, smoky Schlenkerla added to the strong meat flavors.

So, you ask, what did Marcy have for dinner?  As the Thirsty Traveler remarked upon traveling to Bamberg, "If you’re a vegetarian, never request a Bamberg onion."  But the Thirsty Traveler, and every man, woman and child ever to call Germany home, never could have contemplated this:

On the the left side of the plate, the world's first Vegetarian Bamberg Onions (with fake bacon, broccoli, and mushrooms)

While cooking the traditional version, Marcy got a little nauseated mixing breadcrumbs and eggs with bits of shredded pork, and I sympathize, I really do.  But surely that can't compare the violent illness that will ravage Germans if they ever hear about vegetarian Bamberg onions.

That said, I thought the taste of the veggie version, if not the grave offense to a proud people, was quite good.  Sort of like a veggie omelet, but elevated by that compelling smoky bitterness of Schlenkerla.

Bamberg onions were just as thrilling in the moment as I'd anticipated.  The real test, of course, would be a trip to Europe to try them in Bamberg.  I'm already getting my hopes up.