Ukon Turmeric Root Good for Japanese Businessmen, Honky Tonk

Energy drinks – I’ve always liked them mean, green, and full of caffeine.  The balance of a notepad in one hand and a purple can of Venom Mojave Rattler in the other is essential to my on-the-job performance.  At meetings, I smile confidently while surveying my co-workers’ meek beverage choices of Deer Park and Powerade.  Just check out the fierce snake eye and strike-prone fangs on the side of the can – competitive edge, Fuchs!

And, after years of heart rate boosting, I thought I had a good handle on the liquid energy scene.  Red Bull is too old school – your grandma’s energy drink.  Monster’s trendy and overrated.  Then there’s the out-of-my-league heavyweight division, led by Ammo and Jolt. 

I eventually settled on Venom, “the piercing energy that strikes back.”  Indeed, it has more caffeine than Starbucks.  At the same time – and this was key – it doesn’t have enough juice to make you hallucinate that your hair is on fire.  As any true caffeine-lover will tell you, taste didn’t factor into the decision.

So, I had it all figured out, but this past weekend brought a game-changing discovery.

Marcy and I were driving around Nashville when we stumbled upon a little Asian supermarket.  Marcy yelled what she always yells when she sees an Asian supermarket: “Snacks!” – before grabbing the steering wheel away from me, swerving us onto the curb in front of the store and rolling out of the moving car.

As she placed bag after sodium-filled bag on the counter, my eyes ran across a six-pack of Ukon Energy Turmeric Extract Drink.

I purchased and sampled.  Initially, its flavor, for those who care about that kind of thing, had a certain Pepto Bismol je ne sais quoi, but it grew on me as I detected slightly sweet notes reminiscent of peanuts.  It’s only 30 calories per serving, and packs a punchy, hyper-focused high that makes it popular with Japanese businessmen as a hangover cure.  

But do any of these qualities really separate this elixir from the caffeine drink pack?  That’s just the point: Ukon Turmeric has absolutely zero caffeine! 

Still, somehow, the turmeric root alone gave me enough hop-in-my-step to go honky-tonking on Broadway into the wee hours of the night.  And this wasn’t just your run-of-the-mill honky-tonking – I was passionately singing along to Redneck Girl, Farmer’s Daughter and other songs that I don’t know the words to. 

If for only one night, I became a genuine honky.  Thanks Ukon.  Monster is the drink that gets televised, but you’re the revolution.